Of Dancers and Dunderheads
by Caleshi
Summary: Hogwarts is holding a dance competition. Judges Severus Snape and Minerva McGonagall aren't very happy... But, let the magic begin.
1. Wizvision Inspiration

**Of Dancers and Dunderheads**

Susan Clark --- 06.8.09

_Disclaimer—Harry Potter & Co. were created by __J. K. Rowling_.

* * *

_The one in which Dumbledore struck gold after watching the newly installed "Wiz-vision"._

**- - - April 1****st**** : Hogwarts Great Hall - - -**

"Good morning students," Dumbledore boomed with an unnatural, broad smile, as his colleagues – namely the Potions master Severus Snape and Transfiguration professor Minerva McGonagall held tightly drawn faces.

"After an… ah, _intense_ conversation amongst the Hogwarts staff members, it is my utmost pleasure to announce that the auditions for the very first Hogwarts dance competition will commence – _tonight!_ – at seven o'clock. Ten candidates from each House will be chosen. Please dress appropriately and dance with your greatest passion for our selected judges: Professor Snape, Professor McGonagall, and a special guest!"

After a moment of long silence, hushed murmurings swept over the students as they contemplated whether the announcement was a joke, a trick, or simply Dumbledore on crack.

However, those unmistakable, identical scowls on Professor Snape and McGonagall remained, and many brave students chewed on this latest news.

"The top couple will earn their House a hundred points, so don't miss out!"

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- - - **April 1****st ****: Gryffindor Common Room - - -**

"So, Hermione," Ron prodded casually as he propped up his feet on couch arm.

"Hm," Hermione dipped her quill into the jar of ink as she glanced over distractedly.

"You gonna sign up for the... dance competition? Harry and Ginny are going, too."

"Honestly, Ron, you are so slow sometimes. Of course I signed up! A hundred house points could cover most of the points that you and Harry lose all the time." Hermione huffed as she continued scrawling on a parchment.

"What?! You mean you signed up and you didn't tell me? … Are we together or what, Hermione? Sometimes, I just feel like you're not putting as much effort as I am."

"Well I'm sorry that I don't pat your muscles or coo Won Won," Hermione glared heatedly, still sore over the Lavender episode. "Look, I don't want us to fight again. Why don't you go sign up now, and we'll go together, alright?"

* * *

- - - **April 1****st**** : Slytherin Common Room - - -**

"Drakie!" Pansy threw herself onto Draco as he lounged on the green velvet divan.

"Pansy, get off me _right_ _now_."

"I signed us up for the ball, isn't that great?"

"What ball? … You mean the dance competition?" Frigid grey eyes narrowed.

"Of course. We would be the best couple of the dance party! After all," Pansy shifted her right leg over the left as she twirled around the room, "Purebloods like us have been _bred_ to dance and participate in classy, social events. As if Pothead, Longbottom and Weasel would know how to _dance_!" she tittered.

Draco sighed as he ran a hand through his silky platinum strands.

"Pansy."

"Yes?" her eager face lit up.

"I'll let it slide. This time. But don't ever presume that you can decide _anything_ for me."

For a moment, Pansy almost thought that Lucius has polyjuiced as Draco. As much as Draco tried to deny his resemblance to his sperm donor currently plucking grapes for himself in Azkaban...

_Like father, like son_.


	2. Her Royal Majesty

**Of Dancers and Dunderheads**

Susan Clark --- 07.10.09

_Disclaimer—Harry Potter & Co. were created by __J. K. Rowling_.

_Nor do I own Einstein (maybe Einston...)_

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_The one in which Her Royal Majesty appears…_

**- - - April 1****st**** : Hogwarts Great Hall - - -**

"Good evening students," Dumbledore rocked on the balls of his feet with excitement as he wrung his hands eagerly.

"This is, and will be, a very exciting evening! I am very proud to see so many of you. Thank you for your submissions; we have gone over the lists thoroughly and our Sorting Hat went selected the pairings. Our utmost apologies, we cannot acquiesce to popular demand of allowing you to select your own partners. Nevertheless, please enjoy this event – the very first in Hogwarts!

WE HAVE MADE HISTORY! And this will go into Hogwarts: A History edition 9, dear Ravenclaws... and Miss Granger..." The Ravenclaw students looked at Hermione from the corner of their eyes, half glaring, half appraising. Yet again, the Head Girl had overshadowed their glory.

Minerva McGonagall gestured for the Headmaster to get back on track as well as she could without it bordering on being rude.

"Ah… I see more fourth years and above, but have no fear! Our judges are as unbiased as they come. May I present! – Professor Snape, Professor McGonagall and our special guest that we were all anticipating this evening! ..." Many students sweat dropped as they envisioned all the exclamation marks.

"_Drum roll please! _Allow us to welcome... MOLLY WEASLEY!" His wildly waving hands gestured towards the Great Hall entrance where Mrs. Weasley bumbled in on cue.

Her plump, cheery face glowed even brighter tonight, and Severus Snape couldn't help but wonder whether she spent the shopping allowance set aside for Ron Weasley for special 'hydration' facial products that Muggles were so fond of. No wonder the poor boy couldn't afford better looking – less effeminate – dress robes.

"Hello everyone! Good evening! You look wonderful today, Harry; Are you eating well, Ronald?..." the Weasley matriarch embarrassed her children as she waved left and right, perhaps mimicking the Queen.

Ron and Harry blanched as Ginny pretended not to know that woman.

_What on Earth possessed Albus P. W. B. Dumbledore to invite Molly Weasley nee Prewett to come and judge?_

Hermione couldn't help but feel that the judges Professor Dumbledore selected were anything _but_ fair. After seven years of schooling with Professor Snape, it was quite obvious that he was no jolly Santa, and Hermione would never forget the stinging comments she received from the Weasley Mum back in fourth year. Even Professor McGonagall tended to look down on Slytherin families, especially those with prominent ties to the Dark Arts.

"Without further ado, let the contest begin!" a quick flick and a swish of his wand, Dumbledore cleared the tables and maneuvered the seats of the students to the sides, clearing the center and adding a short platform as the stage.

Professor McGonagall unrolled a parchment and she sniffed, "Abbott, Hannah and partner: Zabini, Blaise, please be ready in five minutes. On deck is Boot, Terry and partner..." …

- - - **April 1****st**** : Hogwarts Great Hall, Row 5 - - -**

Ronald Weasley felt awful. He had been pumped up about this event the whole day, yet nothing has gone right for him yet. Hermione, sitting three seats down, has not 'forgiven' him yet, and she probably would not do so in this decade. Not when the Sorting Hat paired him with Lavender Brown.

Ron was usually very dense, but even he could tell that the Sorting Hat didn't jump through any hoops to do the pairs. It was all based on last names, alphabetically.

For the twenty-second time in his life, he wished that he wasn't a Weasley. Especially, when his mother was still smiling benignly while waving discreetly.

"… On deck is Granger, Hermione and partner: Malfoy, Draco."

Were his ears tricking him? Did McGonagall just say Hermione and Draco in the same sentence? Ron tried to do the breathing exercise Harry taught him...

IT'S NOT WORKING! He could feel his body heat up with frustration, and he didn't need to be Ein...ston? to tell that he would say, or do something he would regret.

He watched Hermione rise and turn to pass through the row, and he was about to verbally attack her for accepting MALFOY of all people so calmly when she probably should've thrown a tantrum and quit on the spot... yeah... but Ginny, who was not paired with Harry, deemed it necessary for him to suffer (or maybe she saved him from drifting away further from Hermione)…

- - - **April 1****st**** : Hogwarts Corridor to Great Hall - - -**

'Civilized,' Hermione thought to herself shortly. 'I am a civilized person with wonderful upbringing; I will not shame my parents... But it was so tempting to do away with her partner and act as if he left her... as a groom leaves his bride at the altar last minute... Oh, bad simile.'

Dressed in a velvet, emerald green empire dress instead of the traditional wizard dress robes most students wore, Hermione was confronted with the sight of Draco Malfoy dressed in an impeccable robe in the shade of mercury, tapping his left foot rather impatiently.

He spotted her, uncrossed his arms and gave her a glance over. Finally, he nodded ever slightly, as if giving her his approval.

As if she needed his approval!

'Granger.' He acknowledged.

Hermione said nothing.

'I... wasn't expecting you to be my partner.'

_No shit, Sherlock.

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3-4 Things to address:

Thanks to a reviewer who brought this to my attention – this story is most likely AU, Harry Potter in the 7th year that he never had. I dislike the Voldemort's public revival jazz (he complicates things) so Lucius is back in Azkaban, as if Voldy never sprung him out. There's no Unbreakable Vow, no Horcrux hunting, etc. You get the idea.

This fanfiction stemmed from watching two episodes of _So You Think You Can Dance_ by Simon Fuller and Nigel Lythgoe, and my prolonged interest in the character Severus Snape. I loved the idea (and often envisioned) if Hogwarts ever had a dance competition, Snape would be up there as a judge, mocking and staring down contestants. He is one of my favorite characters.

As may know, I'm not very fond of – or shall we say, experienced in – writing dialogues and quotes. However, dry, descriptive essays (which are somewhat my forte) do not a comedy make, so there's a lot in here.

I'm surprised that I got around to posting this second chapter. This is the unedited version, and it still took nearly a month!

Thanks for all comments.


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